|We had it good. These two Elder became great friends.|
Monday, May 12, 2014
I got transferred to Rotterdam with Elder C. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. Luckily Elder C is a great guy and an amazing missionary so he'll be able to drag me around while I'm getting over Alkmaar. Not only that but it's kind of cool because this is where Elder Mathis served as a Zone Leader so I'm following in my daddies footsteps on that one.
Drama moment! Big cities and me don't mix. I've known that and have been hearing it since high school. I remember vividly on the New York trip I think Dylan asked me "Moose, where do you want to live again?" I responded in a smaller place, definitely not a big city and he said "Good. Cause it'd probably eat you alive." I mean it was all a joke and everything but it was based on truth!
Well I could say more but I don't really have zin (desire is the closest translation) to do that. So I'm just going to pray, read my scriptures, serve the zone with all my heart.
I don't like change. I know it's necessary, but I hate going through it.
Sorry the e-mail isn't uplifting, you guys deserve better but I just can't write any more or I'm going to start crying all over again and I'm in public....so that'd be awkward haha.
Just know that I love you all and that it's going to be ok, it always is. This wound is just deep so it's going to take a little time to heal, kind just how it goes. LOVE YOU! Hope you all have a great week this week and that things keep falling into place.
Well I just read Dad's e-mail and I kept the e-mail open in case I got more zin to write.
Dad said something interesting in his e-mail about the Lord giving me this opportunity to prove to myself if my eye truly is single to His glory, in other words- will I work as hard, give as much, do everything I did here… in Rotterdam? A place that is the complete opposite from here (according to Elder Chantry, that's where he was before he was here)
The answer is- of course I will. I want to do everything the Lord asks, that's why I do everything that I do. Sounds right? It is right, it just doesn’t always feel that way. The other reason for the title of the e-mail was the other thing that's been on my mind recently- how real the world is.
For example: Another hard thing is knowing at some time, in my life, my heart is going to get broken again when I find out someone here has left the church or given up trying, it is the worst pain I've EVER felt. After an investigator is baptized Satan hits them with everything he's got and they often go inactive here and fall away from the church.
I had a realization the other day that started all this. Out here we talk a lot about getting investigators to feel the Spirit and to gain a testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel and that somehow if they can just get that everything will fall into place. False! A testimony means nothing if there is not action involved. And that's the problem here and I’m sure everywhere.
Frankly stated, many people can't and don't want to live the standards of the gospel (members or not). I will forever be impressed with anyone who is an active member out here despite any of their flaws because it can be a rough road. But I love them and I am so anguished when anyone falls. It all comes from love of the people and the gospel, but it tears at my heart to leave this city and these people I love so much, knowing some will fall and I won't be here to help.
Good thing I'm an optimist right? Otherwise this would be a really depressing e-mail. Guess I'm just having a hard time right now, but it'll pass- it always does. Just endure. Cling to the knowledge, experiences and moments I've had before to keep me going until the next one. Love you all :)